Numbers...

It seems like lately our lives have been consumed by numbers. When we got the call about Elijah, we were told he was born at 30 weeks and 2 lb 6 oz. As we looked at making our 1st trip to see him, I thought about the 270 mile/ 5 hours trip. My mind also jumped to the money we going to have to pay to the adoption agency, how much gas costs, and what the hospital bills would be like.

Eli is almost 6 weeks old! When we are visiting him, I'm constantly watching his monitor, especially his oxygen saturation. If it gets below 85 I'm holding my breath & silently praying for his little lungs. When we are not there, I call to check on him twice a day. These conversations are filled with numbers. How much does he weigh? How much formula did he take by bottle? What is his oxygen setting at & has he had any periods of desaturation? I sincerely hope the nurses understand I'm not crazy, just concerned. 270 miles is a long way and I pretty much feel helpless.

We've gone through the 'going home' criteria...more numbers...with nurses. Only thing we are waiting on is a date, and that's all up to Eli.

In the past 3 days, there has been a shift in my mind. The numbers are still there, but now there questions swirling around also. What is it going to be like when he comes home? Am I going to be able to take care of him? What if he has to come home on monitors or oxygen? If he comes home early, are we going to have everything ready (considering right now we have a crib, dresser, highchair & a few small items/clothes)? Are we going to be able to raise the rest of the adoption/legal fees? Am I going to be a good mom??

This last question stands out a little more today. Today-4/26- my mom would have been 60 years old. I think her absence has made this process & these questions a little more overwhelming & scary. I have an amazing family & wonderful friends, an awesome husband & a loving God. I am truly blessed and I trust I will be taken care of. I just look at the past few weeks and how our life has changed.

I think about the incredible gift we have been given. But to be honest, I'm still a little scared. I hope & pray that the next couple of weeks will go smoothly. But if there are bumps or numbers that aren't great, I know our new family of 3 can make it through anything!

-Meagan

Oh, if you haven't gotten a few copies of the Lullaby CD now is the time. Each copy sold reduces our final costs. Order as many as you like! www.indieheaven.com/artists/russellmartin 

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Want to know what we're talking about.. Check out these other posts about our adoption process.

A video update- With special footage of the "Bored Song"

Meet Eli for the first time.

When the whole process began

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